Lower Still

I remember whispering the prayer: I want more. How do I get more of you?

And I remember the whisper back: I am low. You have to go lower.

Anything, I say. I'll do anything.

Although, in the moment, I am very aware I do not know what I am agreeing to. I try to make sense of "low", but my mind is not quite able to comprehend His holy and mysterious ways.

And then I am made to go low.

It comes with the attacks, and the slander, and the suffering, and the pain, and the loss.

I am going low and lower still.

There are tears and sleepless nights. There is grief and confusion. There is darkness. And I am hurting.

I am going low and lower still.

Where are you, I cry. Make it stop, I beg.

Lean in, I hear. Look for me, I hear.

So with a weary heart and weepy eyes, I turn my gaze. And I see. I see HIM.

I am low. And I see Him. I see Him in the whispers, and the visions, and the dreams, and the miracles, that do not lessen the suffering, but reveal His majesty and glory nonetheless.

I am low and going lower still. And I see Him. I see Him breathing and working and moving in the low places. I see Him loving and sustaining and carrying in the low places. I see Him tenderly speaking, gloriously revealing, and majestically reigning in the low places.

I am low and going lower still. And it is there, in the low places, that I see glory. It is there, in the low places, that I see majesty. It is there, in the low places, that I see HIM.

So I lay down. And I let Him sustain me while I open my eyes to see that it is in the going low that I get more of HIM.

Let me go lower still...